


The Ones We've Got

by electrictoes



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Attempted Kidnapping, Case Fic, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Shooting, Sonny gets shot, come on you two, hopefully, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrictoes/pseuds/electrictoes
Summary: When Amanda gets home after a very long night she finds a police cordon outside of her apartment building, and the bottom drops out of her world.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Amanda Rollins
Comments: 111
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually the first thing I started writing for Rollisi but the angst had to be tempered by fluff so I've taken a while to get back to it.
> 
> As a warning - there's some attempted kidnapping and some Sonny getting shot.

It had been a long day after an even longer week, and Amanda had been ready to get home and spend the weekend with her girls; Carisi was coming over to cook dinner, and they had planned to open a bottle of wine, or two, and wind down together - but an Amber alert issued at 16:45 had put paid to her plans. By the time they’d found the boy and gotten him safely to the hospital their evening was long gone. It was a little after 5am when she finally got into a cab to head home; by then she had been at work for almost twenty  
four hours. She was exhausted, her eyes half closed as she leaned back against the headrest. She jolted awake when the cab pulled to a sudden stop and she looked up to see that they were still a distance away from her apartment. She was about to ask the driver if he could get a little closer, until she saw the reason he'd stopped - there were blue and red flashing lights up ahead, and when she looked more carefully she could see that a police cordon had been erected right around the front of her apartment building.

Amanda unbuckled her seatbelt and hurried out of the cab, taking off towards the building. There were three patrol cars pulled up to the sidewalk, and an ambulance awaiting a patient right outside the door. Despite the early hour a small crowd had formed, and as she got closer Amanda recognised many of the people gathered as other residents from her building. She scanned the half-familiar faces for her family, and dread began to fill her as she realised the faces she most wanted to see weren't among them. There was no sign of either of her girls, nor their nanny.

Amanda's heart was in her throat as pushed her way through the crowd, desperation seeping in the longer she went without seeing her children; when she reached the police tape she made to lift it, only to be stopped by a uniformed officer. “Can’t let you through ma’am,” he said, “This is a crime scene.”

“My kids are in there,” Amanda insisted, reaching again for the tape. When the cop held firm she reached into her pocket and pulled out her badge, “Look, I’m Detective Rollins, Manhattan SVU. Let me through.”

"We didn't call in SVU." The officer frowned, looking over his shoulder. He paused and turned back to her. "Wait, did you say Rollins?”

Without waiting for a response he lifted the police tape to let her through, then turned away from her, signalling to his superior officer. The expression on his face was not comforting in the least. “Yes, Rollins - what’s going-”

Before the officer could say anything further, the door to the apartment building was thrown open, and a pair of EMTs emerged, carrying a stretcher between them. “Coming through!”

Amanda's pulse sped up, terror filling her. She looked to the stretcher, fearing who she'd see there. She felt the blood drain from her face as she saw the still body, her hand came up to her mouth as she held back a cry - her eyes widening, her heart stumbling over its own rhythm as she caught sight of his face - his eyes open but unmoving. The blood covering his body. She felt ice cold.

The officer lay a hand on her elbow. "Do you know the victim?"

Victim.

Her voice trembled as she spoke - her throat felt tight, "Yes, Carisi. Dominick Carisi, he's an ADA. What happened-" she pulled away from the officer, taking a step towards the stretcher. Her face was wet with tears; she wanted to run to him, to take his hand in hers - wanted him to wake at the sound of her voice - but fear gripped her; all those unsaid things, all those thoughts she'd saved for another day, she could see it all tumbling away from her. He was so pale, there was so much blood.

The fear that her daughters could be hurt too - or worse - was the only thing that stopped her from throwing herself into the back of that ambulance with him. “We're taking him to Mercy,” one of the EMTs called out before closing the doors behind her. The ambulance took off before Amanda could even react, lights flashing and sirens blaring.

She turned back towards the officer, a sob building up inside of her - a pain knotting in her stomach because nobody had told her what was going on - nobody had an explanation for why Sonny Carisi was being taken to hospital soaked in his own blood, nobody had told her where her daughters were, and the fear that they were holding back, that there was worse news to come, was cementing her feet to the ground. She couldn’t form the words she needed to ask - she was shaking where she stood and willing herself to move, to find her children.

Just as she forced herself into action, beginning to run towards the building herself, the apartment door opened again. She dropped her hands to her knees, flooded with relief as a uniformed officer emerged carrying Billie in her arms. Her youngest daughter looked distressed, but unharmed. She heard Jesse’s sobs before she saw her - another office emerged, Jesse clinging to his neck. She had blood on her face, and was shaking uncontrollably, but she didn’t look injured.

Amanda's heart split seeing her daughter so distraught and she ran towards them; the officer from earlier close behind.

“Detective Rollins?" he stopped beside her, placing himself between Amanda and the other officers. "These are your kids?” he asked. Amanda nodded, reaching out Jesse - who wailed in relief at seeing her mother.

“Momma,” she sobbed, “Momma, Uncle Sonny got hurt.”

-

Fifteen minutes later, she was sitting in the back of a squad car with her girls on either side of her. Jesse had calmed in the security of her mother’s arms, her sobs ebbing away as she drifted off to sleep in the warmth of the car. Billie, bewildered and overwhelmed, had clung to her mother just as tightly; her breathing had shallowed now, as she too fell back to sleep. Amanda watched them both carefully, and she drew a breath; the first she had consciously taken since she saw the apartment door open.

Officer Jacobs, the officer who had brought Billie out, was sat in the front seat. She had just finished telling Amanda what they knew so far - a neighbour had called 911 after hearing multiple gunshots coming from Amanda’s apartment. 

The scene they had found there was chaotic - the apartment door was open, and they had followed the sound of Frannie’s frantic barking to Jesse and Billie’s bedroom. They found Carisi unconscious on the floor, and Billie screaming from her crib while Jesse pleaded with her Uncle Sonny to wake up.

There was no one else in the apartment and no sign of a weapon. All Jesse had been able to tell them in her frantic state was that Sonny had been hurt. The initial assessment by the EMTs was that Carisi had taken at least one bullet to the abdomen and had a head wound that had likely rendered him unconscious. He had also lost a lot blood. The EMTs had gotten to him quickly but he was in a bad way.

“Is there anyone you can think of who would do something like this?” Jacobs asked.

Amanda shook her head. “No, no. He’s a prosecutor, but no one would’ve even known he was at my place, why would someone target him there?”

Officer Jacobs frowned. “We don’t know yet that he was targeted; it could have been someone looking for you, or your daughters,” she paused at the look on Amanda’s face. “Or this could be a random break in; a home invasion gone wrong. CSU are up there now; you’re a detective, you know how this works.”

Fear and guilt wracked Amanda; someone had been in her home while she wasn't there; someone had hurt Carisi, maybe meant to hurt Jesse or Billie. She hadn’t even known Carisi was at her apartment; she had text him to cancel their plans when the Amber alert came in. She’d asked Sienna to stay late, and she hadn’t expected for Carisi to still show up. He had probably wanted to see the girls after their long week; probably planned to wait up for her so they could have a drink together after all. 

Fear began to engulf her and she choked back a sob, not wanting to wake the girls. Scenario were flooding her head uninvited; what would have happened if Carisi hadn’t been there? Could she have lost her girls tonight? Was she going to lose him? Jesse and Billie had been through an ordeal, but both appeared physically unharmed - whatever had happened in that apartment, Carisi had protected her daughters, maybe with his life - she didn’t let herself dwell on that thought, that wasn’t a road she was ready to go down. Her mind swam with worry - fearing the unknown, wondering how the outcome would have been different if she'd been at home, or if Sienna had stayed with the girls. Another unwelcome thought came to her then - why wasn't Sienna there? Had she been hurt too? 

She jerked forward to ask Officer Jacobs if there had been any sign of Sienna in the apartment, but stopped when the passenger side door opened. Olivia Benson slipped into the front seat. She looked as though she hadn’t managed to get to bed before the call had come in, but Amanda knew Liv well enough to know that sleep or no sleep, there was no way she wasn’t going to take on this case.

“Fin and Kat are going straight to the hospital,” Liv said by way of greeting. “I called Garland, I told him I want to take point on this. We don’t have all the details yet, but he’s going to see what he can do.”

Amanda nodded numbly. “I didn’t go with him. I should have-”

Liv shook her head. “Amanda, you had to take care of your girls. That is exactly where Carisi would want you to be. Fin will call when they have an update.”

“Right.”

Liv reached a hand into the back of the car and clasped Amanda’s left hand. “We’re going to find out what happened. Carisi’s getting the medical attention he needs; we have to think positively.”

Amanda nodded, expressionless. She couldn’t think positively right now - could barely think straight at all. “Sienna wasn’t there. I don't know if she's okay.”

“I called her,” Liv reassured Amanda, “on my way over here. She said Carisi sent her home; he told her he’d take care of the girls. She’s going to meet us at the precinct and give a statement, fill us in on what she knows.”

Amanda nodded; relieved that Sienna was okay. It was typical of Carisi to give up his own Friday night to hang out at her apartment while the girls slept - she'd have teased him about not having anything better to do if she'd gotten the chance - she had to hope she would still have time for that conversation, and many others. 

After a moment Liv released her grip on Amanda’s hand. “I’m going to go upstairs and take a look at the scene-"

Amanda leaned forward, intending to join her, but Liv shook her head. “It’s probably best if you don’t come up, not while CSU are still here. I’ll get some clean clothes for the girls and then meet you at the station; once Jesse’s ready we can talk with her, find out what she saw.”

As Liv exited the car, Amanda glanced down at Jesse; she did not relish the prospect of asking Jesse to relive what had been a terrifying and traumatic night for her. As she looked down she took notice of Jesse's pyjamas for the first time since taking her daughter into her arms - the once blue fabric was covered in blood - Carisi’s blood.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the first part and for the lovely comments people have left - I'm just so glad people are enjoying this :)

Amanda sat on a chair in the corner of the break room; Jesse and Billie sleeping at opposite ends of the lumpy couch up against the wall. She stared into space, Jesse’s light snores and the hum of the vending machine the only sounds. She kept replaying the image of Carisi on the stretcher over and over; his lifeless face, his skin pale. She couldn’t get it out of her head, all she could see was the blood and the way he had been lying there, unmoving and lost to her. She was brought out of her thoughts when her phone buzzed; she opened the message quickly, her heart pounding in her chest. It was from Fin.

“Carisi’s in surgery. Will keep you updated.”

The message did nothing to sooth Amanda’s anguish. Surgery meant the injuries were serious, probably life threatening. She had known that just from the sight of him, but it didn’t mean that her fear wasn’t exacerbated. She reached up to wipe the tears from her face, but couldn’t stop more from falling - it seemed as though all she could do was cry.

She glanced over to the couch when she heard Jesse’s. “Momma?” she murmured, sitting up. “Where’s Uncle Sonny?”

“He’s at the hospital baby,” Amanda said, holding an arm out for Jesse, who crossed the room, climbing onto Amanda’s lap, her head resting against her mother’s shoulder.

“Is he with the doctors?”

“Yeah, they’re taking real good care of him.”

“Can I go see him?”

“Not just yet baby,” Amanda stroked Jesse’s hair soothingly, “Aunt Olivia needs to speak with you, and we’re gonna get you into some clean clothes.”

Jesse nodded, looking down at her blood stained pyjamas. “I was trying to get Uncle Sonny to wake up,” her eyes filled with tears. “He wouldn’t wake up Momma, I tried and tried and tried.”

Amanda drew Jesse closer to her and stroked her back. “I know baby, you did good okay? You did so good.”

She wanted to ask Jesse more questions; she wanted to know everything that had happened in their apartment, but she knew Liv would have to ask the same questions, and she couldn’t bear to make Jesse go through it all twice.

Thankfully it wasn’t long before Liv arrived, a backpack of clothes and essentials in her hand. “Hey Amanda, how you holding up?”

“I just want to know he’s okay.”

Liv nodded understandingly, “Me too.” She passed the bag over. “Listen, Sienna’s here. Kat’s on her way - Fin’s going to stay with Carisi -we’ll take a statement from Sienna while you get the girls settled.”

“I want to-”

Liv shook her head. “I know you do, but you’re too close to this, these are your girls, Carisi’s your - I’ll update you okay?”

  
Olivia and Kat sat down opposite Sienna in the meeting room; Sienna looked worried, and that worry was reflected in Liv and Kat’s own faces. Olivia tried for a reassuring smile.

“Hi Sienna, I’m Captain Benson. We met last year,” she held out a hand to shake Sienna’s.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“This is Officer Tamin, we just want to ask you a few questions about last night.”

Sienna nodded, biting her lip. “Are Jesse and Billie okay?”

“They’re fine.”

“And Mr Carisi?”

“He’s at the hospital,” Olivia said, “We’re waiting for news. Sienna, Amanda said she didn’t know Counsellor Carisi was at her place. Did you tell anyone he was there?”

“No, I mean my boyfriend knew I’d left but it’s not like he’d know who Mr Carisi was. I didn’t call Amanda to check it was okay - I knew she would be busy with work, and she’s always let Mr Carisi take the girls before. I had to cancel a date, so when Mr Carisi offered I just-”

“That’s okay Sienna, just start at the beginning. Whatever you remember from last night.”

“Amanda called at around five to say there was an emergency and she’d be late. I said I’d stay; it’s part of the job. Then Mr Carisi arrived about five thirty. He said he’d been looking forward to having dinner with the girls so he wanted to come over anyway,” Sienna paused, “I mean, he has a key, they’re his goddaughters, I thought it was okay.”

Olivia nodded, “You’re doing fine.”

“We had dinner, I put Billie down, and then my boyfriend called. He was pissed I cancelled last minute; I think Mr Carisi must’ve overheard, because he said that he was going to be there anyway, so I might as well go. He said he’d square it with Amanda, and Jesse was thrilled, so I just... left.”

“That’s okay,” Olivia assured her, “You’re not in trouble here. What time did you leave?”

“Just after 7, I guess? Jesse was about to have her bath.”

“And did you notice anything unusual when you left? Anyone hanging around?”

Sienna shook her head. “No,” she frowned, “Well, when I got downstairs the front door was sort of jammed open? There were some takeout menus in the way, stopping it from closing. I moved them though, and I shut the door behind me. Then that was it until I got your call.”

“That’s great Sienna, thank you. We’re trying to establish a timeline that’s all.”

Sienna nodded. “Do you think I can see the girls?”

“I’m sure we can arrange that.”

Kat knocked on the break room door before stepping in. Amanda looked up at the knock. She had cleaned Jesse up as best as she could without her taking a bath, and gotten her into clean clothes - she put her bloodstained pyjamas into an evidence bag – it had given her pause, that her baby’s pyjamas could be evidence. Billie was awake too, but occupied with a book Liv had brought from the apartment. Jesse had been clinging to Amanda, curled up in her lap as they watched Billie lifting the flaps in her book and putting them back down again. It was a book Sonny had bought her, Amanda realised - he’d always make the wrong animal noises; both the girls found it hilarious.

“Hey Rollins,” Kat smiled from the doorway, “Captain’s ready for Jesse. Do you want to come with?”

“Yes,” Amanda stood up with Jesse in her arms, then glanced back at Billie.

“Sienna’s here,” Kat said, “If you want her to sit with Billie?”

Amanda nodded and Kat stepped back to let Sienna into the room. 

She immediately began apologising. “I’m so sorry,” Sienna said, “I shouldn’t have left them-”

Amanda cut her off, “Don’t apologise, if you’d called me I would have said go, and if you’d stayed you might be-” Amanda swallowed hard. “This whole thing is a nightmare. Would you stay with Billie?”

Amanda pressed a kiss to the top of Billie’s head before they walked into the meeting room and she helped Jesse climb into the seat opposite Olivia.

“Are you sure you want to be here for this?” Liv asked gently. Amanda nodded firmly; as much as she didn’t want to hear Jesse having to recount the morning’s events, she wasn’t going to let her go through it alone.

“Hey Jesse,” Liv smiles, “I hear you you’ve had a tough day.”

Jesse nodded tearfully. “Uncle Sonny got hurt but Momma said the doctor will make him better.”

“They’re taking good care of him, yes. Can you tell me how Uncle Sonny got hurt?”

“There was a bad man.” Jesse said, she reached over to Amanda, silently asking permission to climb back into her mother’s lap. Amanda lifted her gently.

“Where was the bad man, Jesse?”

“In my room.” Amanda swallowed; she tried to picture the scene; the idea of a man in Jesse’s room, standing over her bed, it was took much to take. She put an arm around Jesse, holding her close.

“Can you tell me what you remember about last night?” Liv asked.

“Momma had to work, and I was sad, but then Uncle Sonny came over to play. We drew pictures for Momma and we had meatballs for dinner. Then Sienna went home.”

“Okay, and what did you and Uncle Sonny do then?”

“Uncle Sonny gave me my bath and then it was bedtime. I had two stories; Uncle Sonny does good voices.”

“Two stories! Lucky you. And how about after you went to sleep?”

“I woke up because of the bad man,” Jesse’s eyes were wide with fear; and she gripped onto the arm Amanda had around her. 

“Can you tell me about that?”

“I heard a noise and I thought there was a monster in my room. I shouted and Uncle Sonny came. He always comes if I’m scared.” Amanda pressed a kiss to the top of Jesse’s head, hoping to sooth some of her fears. “Uncle Sonny put the light on and then I saw the monster wasn’t a real monster - he was a bad man. He was standing right next to my bed.”

“And what happened next?”

“He yelled and Uncle Sonny was yelling too, and Frannie was barking. Then the bad man had a gun, a real one not pretend. It was loud.”

Liv nodded encouragingly as Amanda stroked Jesse’s back with her free hand.

“Uncle Sonny fell down, but he was still yelling; then the man hit him on the head and he stopped talking,” Jesse began to cry, shaking as she continued with the story. “It was scary and I yelled at the man to go away but he grabbed my arm.”

Amanda’s heart returned to her throat – the thought that this man, whoever he was, had touched her daughter.

“I screamed real loud like Momma says you should if a stranger tries to take you.”

“Good job, Jesse. What did the man do next?”

“Frannie bit him and he let go of me. Frannie doesn’t bite people but he was bad. She bit him hard.”

Liv nodded. “Frannie was protecting you.”

“Then another man came in and he was yelling too then the men ran away, but I don’t know where they went.”

“Jesse, you’re doing so well. We’re going to find the men who hurt Uncle Sonny, I promise.”

“You catch the bad guys, you and Momma and Uncle Fin,” she glanced across the table at Kat, who had been silently observing the interview. “And Kat too.”

“Yeah, we do. What did you do next, Jesse, after the men ran away?”

“Uncle Sonny wouldn’t get up; I was telling him please get up, please get up. But he didn’t and I was crying, and Billie was crying too but I’m not big enough to get her out of her crib so I was trying to wake up Uncle Sonny. Then a policeman came and he took us to Momma.”

  
-

“They were after my girls. Carisi got shot protecting my girls. I should’ve been there.”

Amanda was staring into the space ahead of her. Kat had led Jesse back to the breakroom with the promise of a juice box. Listening to that story had been the hardest thing she had ever done; to know how scared Jesse must have been, how scared Carisi must have been, seeing someone standing over Jesse’s bed; she could imagine exactly the things he would have been saying. 

It should have been her there protecting her children. How could she ever thank him? How could she ever forgive herself if he didn’t wake up?

“Amanda, you were doing your job. Don’t even think about blaming yourself.”

“That guy was standing over my baby’s bed, what was he going to-”

“Don’t go down that road, Amanda, you’ll never come back from it. Jesse and Billie are safe. You know Carisi would never let anything happen to them.”

“I know. Oh God, what if he-” She stopped, a hand to her mouth. She couldn’t say the words out loud.

“Amanda, Carisi loves those girls. Nothing would have stopped him from protecting them,” Liv placed a reassuring a hand on top of Amanda’s. “And nothing stopped Frannie either, by the sounds of things – hopefully they’ll be able to get DNA from her mouth.”

“I’ll can call forensics now.”

“No, Amanda. Fin, Kat and I will investigate this and we will find whoever is responsible, but you are far too close to this – these are your children, And you have a bit of an emotional blind spot when it comes to Carisi.”

“Liv, I’m not-”

“Look – CSU are still at your apartment; why don’t you get Sienna to take the girls to my place; I’ll have a uniform go with them. Then you can head to the hospital to relieve Fin; then you can be there when he wakes up. Because he will wake up, Amanda, I really believe that.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has read/commented/left kudos so far ♥

Fin was in the hallway just outside the waiting room when Amanda arrived at the hospital; he took a second to notice her, but she didn’t miss the way he schooled his worried expression into something more stoic, and panic filled her mind again - what news had Fin had in the hour since they last spoke?

The whole drive over she had been dreading arriving here, dreading what would come next. She had been reluctant to leave the girls, especially after the night they’d had, but she knew that they were safe at Liv’s with a uniformed officer posted outside the door. She had to be doing something useful – if she couldn’t investigate at least she could be here; at least this way Fin could go back to the precinct and help find whoever did this. She trusted Fin to get the job done, even if she couldn’t be by his side when he did.

“How you holding up, Amanda?” He asked as she approached him.

“I’m fine, I’m not the one that got shot.”

Fin shook his head at her blase response. “Yeah, yeah. Look Carisi’s stubborn, he’ll pull through and be driving you crazy again before you know it.”

She half smiled, hoping Fin was right. “Have they told you anything?”

“Not yet. The hospital must’ve phoned his family - his sisters in there now,” he gestured over his shoulder with his thumb.

Amanda nodded, and she gripped Fin’s arm briefly as she steeled herself to walk through the door. “Fin, find the son of a bitch.”

“I will,” he said without hesitation. 

  
Bella and Theresa looked up at Amanda as she entered the waiting room, but neither spoke. They both looked as anxious as Amanda felt - their faces lined with worry and tears.

She took a seat just down from them, and they glanced towards her. “Any news?”

Bella shook her head. “No, they said they’ll tell us when he’s out of surgery. The nurse said it could be another hour,” she swiped as more tears fell down her cheeks. “Our parents are on their way.”

Amanda sighed and rubbed at her face, “I can’t believe this is happening.”

“It shouldn’t be,” Theresa bit out, “He’s not a cop anymore, he’s supposed to be safer.”

Amanda dropped her head down, battling her tears again.

Theresa spoke again, “Sergeant Tutuola said he was protecting your kids,” she said. “Haven’t you taken enough from him?”

Amanda felt as though she had been struck - it wasn’t that she wasn’t already blaming herself for this, but the implication in Theresa’s words was another stab, another wound opening up. “I - what?”

Theresa rounded on her, her expression fraught. Amanda had only met Theresa a handful of times, all around the time of Mia’s assault, and there had never been an opportunity for a conversation, or an insight into Sonny’s relationship with his sister - but Amanda had enough experience with Kim to recognise a protective sister rounding on the nearest target. “You’re kidding, right? You know how many chances at happiness he’s given up ‘cause he was hoping you’d notice him? And now he’s in that operating theatre and who knows if he’s going to come out alive?”

“Theresa,” Bella interjected. “Sonny makes his own choices, he always has. We’re all worried, but if he wakes up and finds out we’ve all been arguing - you know he won’t be happy.”

Amanda looked away from them, rubbing at her eyes. She didn’t have the energy for this fight, and she knew, deep down, that Theresa wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true - Sonny had been there for her since day one, and what had she given him back? She’d always been too afraid to give him enough of herself; now she was faced with the gravity of those unsaid words, all the unshared feelings, and she couldn’t defend herself - even if she knew that Sonny would have. She stood without speaking and moved to the other side of the waiting room, settling herself in for a long wait; the ache of fear and loss weighing her down. 

-

  
With the only real eyewitness a scared five-year-old, and no real theories to go on, the investigation wasn’t exactly brimming with leads. Forensics were processing the DNA from Frannie’s mouth, but it would be a while before anything came back.

Kat had been stuck on Sienna’s comment about the building door being kept ajar. It felt unlikely to be a coincidence. There was no CCTV in the building, but there was a camera on the front door. The super had handed over the footage without a fuss after learning an ADA had been shot in his building.

Kat trawled through the footage, determined to find a lead. She saw Carisi arriving a little before five thirty, a grocery bag in each hand; there was a spring in his step as he let himself into the building and the door closed behind him. Kat felt a pain deep in her stomach knowing the next time Carisi went through this door was on a stretcher. They may not be the best of friends, but SVU was a family, and family drove you crazy but you loved them anyway.

About an hour after Carisi entered the building another tenant let herself in through the door; before the door had closed behind her a man darted forward, a baseball cap pulled low over his face. He grabbed the door before it shut and ducked in, only to emerge a few seconds later and walk down the sidewalk out of view. The door did not close fully behind him.

There was no further movement until Sienna exited just after seven. She paused at the door briefly, presumably moving the menus jamming the door out of the way.

After another hour trawling through the footage, Kat saw something of note; the timestamp on the camera said 04:37. A tenant emerged from the building in a high vis jacket; he let the door go behind him, and this time two men in caps walked into shot, one reaching out to grab the door before it could close. They ducked into the building, neither face was clear on camera, but Kat was pretty sure she’d found their guys.

The next movement on the camera was at 05:06, when a tenant opened the door to let first responders race into the building, and they rushed in to rescue Carisi and the Rollins girls.

“I think I’ve got something,” Kat called out. Fin and lifted his head and called out to Benson to join them.

  
-

  
The waiting was killing Amanda; every second weighed heavily on her, fraught with fear, imagining the worst. Despite her best efforts to hold back, her face was streaked with tears. Every time somebody came into the waiting room her heart gave a jolt – hoping they would bring and end to the wait.

Amanda hadn’t met Sonny’s parents before, but she recognised them as soon as they walked into the room – she had seen photos in his apartment, but even if she hadn’t she would have made the connection right away; Sonny definitely took after his father – it was like getting a glimpse into the future; a future she hoped they still had. 

She felt out of place as she watched them walk over and join Sonny’s sisters – his family were here waiting for him; they didn’t need her here. She couldn’t bring herself to leave, though, couldn’t imagine not being here when he woke up. She needed to see his face, hear his voice, and she didn’t think she would be able to leave until she did.

She was surprised when Sonny’s father took the seat next to her, though he looked out straight ahead – his expression stoic; Sonny had told her that Dominick Sr didn’t exactly wear his heart on his sleeve – he might physically take after his father, but there was a lot of divergence in their personalities.

“So, you’re Amanda,” Mr Carisi said, “Dominick has talked about you.”

“He has?”

“My daughter says you’re the reason he’s here.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she ran hand through her hair, tears threatening to fall again. “I don’t know who shot him, or why they were in my apartment, but Sonny was protecting my daughters.”

“My wife quizzes Dominick about them every time he visits. I know he cares about them a lot.”

“He does,” she sighed.

“Well then, he made his choice. There’s no use feeling guilty about it now – you didn’t shoot him yourself.”

He stood up, walking back over to the rest of his family; she wasn’t sure if that conversation was supposed to have made her feel better – it hadn’t. 

  
-

  
The description they could piece together was vague – neither of the men had shown their faces on camera, and they’d yet to find footage of them leaving the building, but it was a start. It was a lead - even if it wasn’t a substantial one. 

They were still waiting for the DNA results from the swab of Frannie’s mouth, and although Fin had called to tell the lab it put a rush on it, Olivia wasn’t holding out any hope of getting it before the end of the day. Kat was still reviewing video footage – anything they’d been able to get their hands on from the vicinity; traffic cams, dash cams, CCTV from a bodega down the street. There was a significant gap between when Sienna left the building and the suspects entered it – whether they were waiting nearby, watching for an opportunity, or they left the area for several hours, they had to have been somewhere.

They were all feeling a little more frantic than usual – it was always tougher when it was someone you knew, and there was a constant worry in the back of her mind that Carisi wouldn’t pull through. She was doing her best to put it aside and focus on the case, but it wasn’t easy; Carisi was family, the Rollins girls were family, and knowing someone had attacked that was weighing heavily on Olivia.

She knew that they’d have to keep focused or potentially lose the case; at the moment there was nothing to make it an SVU case – Garland had argued that attempted kidnap of a five year old was in SVU’s purview, but they all knew that they were on a very thin ledge – robbery/homicide were circling the case, waiting for it to be handed over to them as a home invasion gone wrong, and so Olivia knew that they couldn’t give the top brass any excuse to take it from her team. 

As hard a thought was it was to reckon with, they knew that the most likely scenario was that those men had broken into Amanda’s apartment to take Jesse or Billie – nothing in the apartment had been taken or damaged in any way, it appeared as though they’d gone straight to the girls’ room, probably not banking on Jesse waking up. The question was why – it definitely seemed as though this wasn’t a random selection, at the very least they had been watching the building, they knew the girls lived there and they had found a way in. Amanda had worked so many difficult cases through the years, but until they got more leads, trawling through their case records and checking for anyone Amanda had arrested who had recently been released from prison seemed like as good a place as any to start; she was generating a list when Fin knocked on her office door; he came straight in without waiting for an invitation.

“CSU have finished processing the scene.”

“Anything?”

“Nothing useful – all the prints they’ve found are the ones you’d expected – the girls, Amanda, Carisi, the nanny – nothing out of the ordinary. They busted out the lock but there’s no prints there either. It looks like they headed straight into the girls’ room, nothing’s disturbed anywhere else.”

Olivia sighed; she wasn’t surprised, but it was another obstacle in their way. 

“Do you want me to start looking through that list of parolees?” Fin asked. There was another knock at the door before she could respond – Kat this time, followed by someone Olivia wasn’t expecting to see – Declan Murphy.

“I just heard about what happened,” he said, not bothering with pleasantries, “I think I’ve got an idea who’s behind it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I'm sorry that Sonny is still in surgery.


	4. Chapter 4

“I’ve been back in New York about six weeks – I’ve been working a case, a drug cartel that’s taken up a side business in trafficking girls – nasty crowd, I’ve been under with them for almost a year now. Two days ago I got word from a CI that the cartel might have made me as a cop.”

“So this is on you?” Fin asked.

“Indirectly – I didn’t know for sure I’d been made until I got a call this morning; I’ve got a friend in robbery/homicide, he said that there’d been a home invasion at Amanda’s apartment. I figured they were probably connected.”

“Right.” Kat’s eyes were darting from Murphy to Fin to Olivia, connecting the dots – Murphy’s involvement with this case, Fin’s barely held frustration, Liv’s narrowed eyes. 

“My buddy said that SVU had taken the case and were investigating it as an attempted kidnapping. The baby’s fine though, right?”

Fin scoffed. “She hasn’t been a baby for a long time, Murphy.”

Liv glanced at Fin; it looked like a warning, though Kat could tell Liv agreed with the sentiment. “Jesse’s very shaken up but physically fine; Carisi is still in surgery.”

“Wait, Carisi? That guy? I thought it was an ADA that got shot.”

“Carisi is an ADA now.”

“What, and he’s just hanging out at Amanda’s place?”

Fin rolled his eyes. “So you think it was this cartel? What, trying to grab Jesse to get send a message?”

“It makes more sense than it being a coincidence– my guess is they hired someone to take her, probably to try and get me to lose the evidence I’ve got on them. I haven’t had any threats yet.”

“Right, well then let’s bring your guys in on this – we’ll work together, starting with who was in that apartment.”

Murphy shook his head. “This case is much bigger than Carisi getting shot-”

“You might have bigger fish to fry, Murphy, but I am not stopping until I have whoever did this in custody.”

The anger that flashed across Fin’s face as Murphy left the room was clear, but he pushed it down. “Guy isn’t present for a day of Jesse’s life,” he frowned, “and now this. Carisi has been there for her more than anyone and now he’s the one being stitched back together-” he cut himself off. 

“I know, Fin,” Liv said. “But we’ve got to focus here, we’ll work with Murphy only as much as we need to. But first someone has to fill Amanda in on what’s going on.”

  
Amanda leapt to her feet when a nurse entered the waiting room; she was standing near the door, closer to Carisi’s family, and Amanda moved towards them, her heartbeat speeding up, dread filling her.

“Dominick is out of surgery,” the nurse said. “He’s stable for now – luckily neither bullet hit any vital organs. He lost a lot of blood before we got him on the table, but we’re optimistic about his recovery.”

“Can we see him?” Bella asked.

“Only two visitors at a time. He probably won’t wake up for a while.”

Mrs Carisi stood up, ready to follow the nurse; Mr Carisi turned back to look at Amanda. “Do you want to go first?”

She shook her head. “I better update everyone at SVU. I’ll see when you’ve all…” she shrugged; she wasn’t quite ready to see him hooked up to all those machines – she was pretty sure she wouldn’t keep it together, and she didn’t want to break down in front of his parents.

As they followed the nurse down the corridor, Amanda pulled out her phone to call Liv, only to see her walk through the door to the waiting room. Walking a step behind her was Declan Murphy, and Amanda was filled with both confusion and rage; there was only one reason he’d be here right now.

“You mean to tell me that someone came for my daughter because you screwed up and you didn’t even think to warn me?” Amanda was on her feet, barely containing her anger at Murphy. They had moved into a meeting room, a receptionist giving them access once Liv had flashed her badge, but Amanda was past caring if anyone could overhear her.

“I didn’t know for sure I’d been made as a cop until this morning, I didn’t know they knew who I was. Even if they had, hardly anyone even knows I have a kid, if I’d thought for a second that Jesse was at risk I would’ve called right away-”

“She could’ve been taken, or worse! And what about Carisi, huh?! He’s fighting for his life right now! If he dies because of you I will never-”

“Okay,” Liv cut in, “This isn’t getting us anywhere.”

Amanda dropped into a chair; her arms folded around herself. She took a breath before looking at them again. “My daughter was carried out of our apartment covered in Carisi’s blood. You should have called me the second you thought you could have been made. You should have told me you were in town.”

“I know,” Murphy took a seat opposite her. “And I am sorry.”

“Do you have any leads?”

“We can’t tie this back to the cartel yet,” Liv said, “It very likely that they were behind this, but they probably contracted it out. Murphy’s team are looking at known associates, people with known connections to the cartel that fit the description we have. Hopefully when the DNA’s back from the lab we’ll get a hit and can start moving forward.”

“The whole thing seems pretty botched – these are not experienced kidnappers. Brutal as it is, if they were the real deal they wouldn’t have left the apartment without their target.”

“Please don’t call my daughter their target.”

“She’s my daughter too,” Murphy said, frowning.

“She’s your daughter biologically. You’re not her dad and you don’t get to call her a target, or a victim, or anything else. She’s five years old, this isn’t something you brush under the carpet and think it’s okay because of the bigger picture. She’s a little girl who watched the closest thing to a father she has get shot right in front of her and you can’t dress it up any differently.”

“Amanda,” Liv said, sitting beside her and placing a reassuring hand on her arm. “Murphy’s right-“ she raised her free hand in surrender, “He’s right about this not being professionals. And that might help us find them.”

“Right, so what’s next?”

“Murphy and I will go back to the precinct; we’ll keep chasing down leads until something sticks.” Murphy stood at that, nodding to Amanda as he made his way out of the door. Liv made to follow him.

“I need to do something, I need to help,” Amanda said, looking up at Liv as she stood in the doorway.

“You are doing something, Amanda. You’re here – and you’ll be here when he wakes up. You and I both know that’s where Carisi needs you to be.”

Back at the precinct, everyone was keeping busy – there were a lot of leads to run down; they were looking at virtually anyone with connections to the cartel, even vague ones. There were a lot – but nobody wanted to leave a single stone unturned, not if it helped them catch the perpetrators.

Liv and Murphy had just arrived back at the station when they finally got a call back from forensics. 

“They have two DNA matches, one is Carisi, but given the amount of his blood at the scene that’s not surprising. The other isn’t in the system, but we do have a familial match to an Eddie Rockford – he’s serving a sentence at Rikers for dealing heroin.”

“What do we have on his family?”

Kat brought up the details she had on Rockford. “Three brothers – Joey, also at Rikers – assault with a deadly weapon. Charlie and Michael – both have juvenile records for dealing, but nothing in the last four years.”

“Nice family,” Fin said.

“Any connection to the cartel?”

“None that we know of – but a history like theirs – they had to be getting those drugs from somewhere. Distant enough not to be a direct link back to the cartel; that’s smart.”

“Would’ve been smarter if they’d hired someone who knew what they were doing.”

“Well, let’s just be grateful they didn’t, for Jesse’s sake,” Liv said, “So we bring in Charlie and Michael – let’s see if they start talking.”

When Amanda returned to the waiting room, Mr and Mrs Carisi were back in their vacated chairs, Bella and Theresa were in with Sonny. She paused to ask if there was any change, but Mr Carisi shook his head. Mrs Carisi’s eyes were red, and she was holding her hands close to her chest; Amanda tried to imagine what she was going through, her only son lying in a hospital bed – and Theresa had been right, Sonny was meant to be safer now that he wasn’t a cop, they probably had relaxed a little when they knew he’d no longer be out in the field, probably slept a little easier at night – the thought gripped her; she was barely keeping it together right now and her children were safe – safe because of Sonny.

She took a seat close by, and sent a message to Sienna, asking how the girls were holding up. She received a video back a few minutes later.

Jesse’s face was filling the screen, until Billie pushed forward, squeezing in so that her head was just beneath Jesse’s. They both looked happy enough, if worn out. 

“Momma!” Jesse was saying into the camera, “Momma did the doctors fix Uncle Sonny? Can you please give him a big kiss from me?” Jesse blew a kiss to the screen, and Billie mimicked her.

“Love you Uncle Sonny!” Billie screeched at the camera. Amanda’s eyes welled up with tears again at the sight of her babies. She clutched phone tight in her hand and replayed the video; she would show it to Sonny when he awoke; hopefully soon.

“Those are your daughters?” Mrs Carisi asked, leaning across the empty seat between them.

“Yeah,” Amanda gave her a small smile.

“They’re such lovely little girls. Sonny is so proud of them, always showing off photos.”

“They love him so much; they’re always so excited whenever he comes over.”

“Do you… do you have any pictures of him with them? Seeing him lying in there, it was too much. He’s usually so alive.”

“Yeah,” Amanda glanced towards the door that led to the room Sonny was in. “I’m not sure I’m ready to…” she sighed. “I’ve got a video he sent me on my birthday, actually,” she said, opening up the video and handing the phone over.

The video opened with Sonny beaming at the camera – she had had to work on her birthday, and Sonny had gone over to her apartment shortly after she left in the morning, relieving the sitter and helping the girls put up decorations. He’d sent the video just as she took a break for lunch, and it had made her day.

“Rollins! Happy- Jess, hang on a second,” Jesse had thrown herself into shot, crashing into his chest and wiggling around to face the camera – he laughed as he helped her get into view.  
  
“Happy Birthday Momma! Happy Birthday to you!”

“Momma!” Billie had clambered onto Sonny’s lap too, the three of them squashed together to fit into the frame. 

“Hey Rollins, Happy Birthday! I was gonna turn the camera around and show you the girls in their party dresses but I guess, oof-” he cut off as Billie elbowed him in the stomach, trying to stand up so she could show off her dress.

“Hey girls, why don’t you both climb down and do a little twirl for Momma, huh?” 

The camera pointed briefly at the ceiling and she could hear giggling and shuffling for a couple of seconds before he picked it back up, pointing it at the girls twirling around on the living room rug.

“Beautiful!” he called out. “Alright let’s say bye to Momma and get ready for her party!”

“Bye Momma!” they both called out, blowing kisses the camera. He briefly turned it back to face himself.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a crazy party. Hope you’re having a great birthday – can’t wait to see you later.” He grinned at her before ending the video.

As she watched it, her heart clenched – she thought back to that night, how happy she’d been. They’d had dinner together and watched Disney movies with the girls, then Sonny had brought out a bottle of champagne once Jesse and Billie were in bed. They’d gotten a little tipsy – she remembered looking at him, wondering what it would be like if things were just a little different. She’d contemplated kissing him – but Billie had woken crying before she got up the courage, and the moment was gone. Another regret she’d have to carry.

“Thank you,” Mrs Carisi said, “You can see how much he loves you all.”

Amanda nodded, unsure how to respond. Her throat felt tight as she struggled to hold back tears – she’d cried more in the past twenty four hours that she had in a long time. It probably didn’t help that she’d been awake for almost a day and a half, but sleep wasn’t an option right now – she wouldn’t be able to close her eyes without seeing him bloody and lifeless on the stretcher, wouldn’t be able to sleep without nightmares of how this could all end.

Theresa and Bella returned to the waiting room, and Mrs Carisi handed her back her phone. “Looks like it’s your turn. I think he might wake up when he knows you’re here.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to hold off on posting this because I've been a going a bit overkill with the fic recently. 
> 
> Then today happened.

Amanda hesitated in the door of Sonny’s hospital room, her throat tightening at the sight of him. He looked so pale; the only colour on his face was the purple of the raised bruise just at his hairline. He was still, and the only sounds in the room were the occasional beeps from the machines he was hooked up to. It was unnerving, like watching a scene from someone else’s life, and part of Amanda wanted to turn and run from the room, as though if she didn’t have to see him like this it would all go away. 

She took a step into the room; there were chairs on either side of his bed, but she couldn’t bring herself to take one. She stood just inside the door, watching him – watching the steady rise and fall of his chest, looking for reassurance there – he was breathing, he was alive.

“I’m sorry,” she said into the silence of the room, “I should have been there, I should’ve been the one to…”

She took a step closer to him, watching his expressionless face. “I never wanted to care about you, you know?” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “When you first showed up at SVU I… you were so annoying,” she laughed, but it was hollow, her eyes had filled with tears again. “How did we get to here? How did you become this huge part of my life? Carisi, you better wake up…”

Amanda steeled herself, crossing the room at last and standing beside his hospital bed, her eyes still lingering his face. “If… if you die I don’t know what I’m going to do, how can I even think about carrying on without you?” She felt the lump in her throat grow, a tightness was building in her chest. “You don’t get to bow out now, Carisi. You need to wake up, we’ve got a lot to talk about.”

He didn’t respond. In other circumstances she might have joked about finally being able to get a word in edge-ways, but today it just made her painfully aware of the danger that he was in. 

She continued to talk to him, to tell him how much the girls needed him in their lives; how he was halfway through a bedtime story with them; how he’d promised to take Jesse to her first ball game soon; how the rest of the squad needed him alive; how his work with the District Attorney’s office wasn’t even nearly finished. And, finally, when she was all but spent; how she didn’t want to live in a world without him in it.

She was met with silence.

Eventually she moved to take a seat beside him; she reached out for his hand, but the wires there made her pause; instead she kept her hands in her lap and her eyes on his face. She didn’t know how long she sat there – thirty minutes, an hour, more; she was exhausted and the lack of sleep was beginning to catch up with her. She eventually felt herself starting to drift off, just as one of his monitors began beeping more rapidly. She sat upright, ready to call for a doctor, and she was halfway across the room before she realised he was awake.

He had open his eyes, and they were darting around the room, wide and panicked, before settling on her. He tried to sit up, then let out a sharp hiss of pain and dropped back down. She moved back towards him, standing at the end of the bed, her hand hovering beside his leg.

He swallowed, his voice scratchy as he spoke, “Jesse? Billie?”

“They’re okay. They’re safe.”

His breathing was laboured as he spoke - each word was costing him breath. “Jesse was screamin’. I got to her as fast as I could, I didn’t… hear ’em-”

She took her seat again, this time taking his hand carefully in her own. “Sonny… Dominick, they’re safe.” 

He closed his eyes, his face flooded with relief, taking a second before opening them again. “They’re okay?”

"Yeah, they’re with Sienna at Liv’s apartment. They’re shaken up but they’re okay. You protected them,” she lifted his hand, gripping it in both of hers. “They’re going to be fine, thanks to you.”

“I don’t… what happened?”

“You got yourself shot,” Amanda said, “Sonny, you almost died.” She had thought she couldn’t possibly have any more tears to shed, but as he looked at her, her eyes began to well up again.

“No, no, Rollins, don’t, I’m okay,” he said, turning towards her. She would have been more convinced if he weren’t wincing; she pressed her lips to his hand.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t wake up.”

“It’s gonna take more than a bullet to… to keep me down,” he joked. She gave a weak smile back; something had lifted in her when he had opened his eyes, but he still looked like hell.

“I’m going to get the doctor,” she squeezed his hand gently once more before standing up. “And tell your family you’re awake. Your mom and dad are here.”

He reached out a hand for her before she could leave. “Amanda, wait.”

She walked back over to him, taking his outstretched hand. “You okay?”

His breathing was laboured and every word seemed to come at a cost, but she let him speak. “Yeah, I just, before you let my mom in here an’ I don’t get a chance to… I just want you to know that I’d do it again. Don’t feel bad about me gettin’ shot – I’d do it a hundred times over.”

Amanda leaned down, pressing a kiss against his cheek before letting go of his hand, she smiled at him as she left to find the doctor. 

  
Fin and Murphy arrived back at the hospital an hour after Sonny had woken up; Amanda had been back in the waiting room whilst Sonny’s family sat with him – the doctors had given him some pain relief and they’d gotten him sitting up,. He was starting to get some colour back in his cheeks, but still looked like a shadow of himself, and it stung to see him like that. 

“How’s he doing?” Fin asked as they approached her.

“He’s awake, talking some. He looks rough and I’m pretty sure he’s in more pain than he’s letting on, but,” she shrugged. 

Fin placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Told you he was too stubborn to die. How are you holding up?”

“Me? I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?”

Fin rolled his eyes. “You want to sit in while we take his statement?”

She nodded wordlessly and led them to Sonny’s hospital room. As they got closer she could hear Sonny’s mother fussing over him – it was obvious where he had picked that up – and him protesting that he was _fine_. She knocked on the open door as she entered, Fin and Murphy behind her.

He smiled when he saw her, and turned away from his mom, conversation over. “Hey, you’re back.”

“Yeah, I’ve got Fin with me and,” she gestured behind her as Fin and Murphy followed her into the room.

Sonny’s expression was one of pure confusion. “Murphy? What are you doing here?”

“They think there might be some overlap with a case Murphy’s been working,” Amanda said; she knew exactly how Sonny was going to react when he found out just why someone tried to take Jesse, and she didn’t want that fall out to happen in front of his family. She could already see the cogs turning, see him trying to work out how this could possible be connected to something Vice were running, and there was something else in his eyes too, beneath the suspicion – concern, that Murphy had come back into her life, into Jesse’s life.

“Good to see you up and talking, Carisi,” Fin said, moving past the obvious tension. “You up to giving a statement?”

“Yeah, yeah, course.” He turned to his parents, “Can you give us a minute?”

His father stood, nodding first to Sonny and then to the rest of them as he made his way out of the room – Bella, Theresa, and Mrs Carisi each gave Sonny a hug before leaving, his mother holding onto him until he pulled back. He squeezed her hand before she moved away; their relationship dynamic was revealing – it told her so much about how Sonny had grown into the man that he was, and it made her unexpectedly happy to see this part of his life.

Once Sonny’s family were gone, Fin pushed the door closed behind them; Amanda took the seat Mrs Carisi had vacated on Sonny’s left, but both Murphy and Fin remained on their feet.

“Alright, Carisi, you know the drill – what do you remember about last night?”

“Right,” he grimaced slightly before he began. “I guess I got to Rollins’ place about five-thirty? You guys were stuck on the Amber alert,” he glanced at Amanda, “I figured I’d hang with the girls and have dinner.”

She nodded. “Yeah, you’re allowed.”

“It was just a regular night, I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary between then and when Jess woke me up,” he glanced up at Fin, who nodded at Sonny to continue. “I know, for the record… I cooked, hung out with the girls a bit,” he paused, taking a breath. “Sienna said she’d cancelled a date, and I was plannin’ on waiting around for Rollins to get back so I told her to go home.”

“What time did she leave?”

“I don’t know, Jesse was still up so before seven-thirty? I gave her a bath, read her a story, she fell asleep an’ then I put the TV on. I know I caught the eleven o’clock news ’cause they were talkin’ about the kid from the Amber alert being found. I must’ve fallen asleep sometime after that,” his eyes flicked between her and Fin as he spoke, and Fin nodded in acknowledgement.

“Did you lock up before you fell asleep?”

“Yeah, I know I locked the door when Sienna left – I didn’t put the chain on ‘cause I figured Rollins would need to get back in.”

“And you said Jesse woke you up?” Murphy asked.

“Yeah; I heard her screaming, I figured it was nightmare, she’s been gettin’ them every now and then since-” he stopped, glancing at Amanda. She placed a hand on his forearm - Jesse had been having nightmares about Amanda being taken ever since Bucci. Amanda tried to shelter her from the worst of her job, but Jesse was perceptive, and she’d been dreaming about monsters on and off for months now. 

“Anyway, I went to her room, she was yellin’ about a monster. I turned the lights on and then saw this… this asshole just standin’ there, next to her bed-” he choked on his words a little then, and Amanda reached for his hand, gripping it in hers. The terror he must have felt in that moment; she had tried to imagine it, but the thought of seeing someone standing over her little girl – that alone was enough to send a chill through her.

“She’s so little, y’know, and she looked right at me. I just had to get him away from her – I don’t… I don’t remember being shot… I remember the gun goin’ off, the noise, and trying to get to Jesse, but then it’s all blank… I hit the ground, I could hear the girls cryin’ but I… it fades out there.”

Fin nodded. “He cold-cocked you with his gun, we think. Knocked you out, you couldn’t have done anything else.”

“Do you know what happened next? Why he left?”

“Not yet. We’ve got some potential suspects we’re tracking down, but we know there were two of them, and Frannie got a chunk out of one of them. That, plus the gunshots, they must’ve panicked, figured someone would call the cops.”

He turned to Amanda, “What did Jesse say?”

“Sonny, you don’t need to-”

“Please, I want to know.”

“She said they ran out after the second guy came in; she was trying to wake you up.”

He brought his free hand to his face, frustration and guilt weighing on him. “She must’ve been so scared – I told her I’d always protect her and then-”

“Don’t,” Amanda cut him off sharply. “You _did_ protect her; Dominick, if you hadn’t been there- just don’t.”

“Did you get a good look at the guy, Carisi?” Murphy asked.

“Not really; he had a ballcap on, maybe 5’9”, white. I couldn’t see his face.” He glanced from Murphy to Amanda and back again. “Is someone gonna fill me in on what this has got to do with Vice?”

Murphy sighed, “We think they may have been looking for Jesse on the order of someone I’ve been working with. Undercover. They made me as a cop and we think this was an attempt to shut me up.”

Amanda knew that if he was well enough, Sonny would’ve been out the bed like a shot – as it was she had to put a firm hand on his shoulder as he leaned forward, trying to push himself up, and only the exhaustion from all he’d been through, and the effects of the morphine the doctors had pumped into him, prevented him from shrugging her hand away and continuing towards Murphy – if Fin had been angry, that was nothing compared to the rage coursing through Sonny at the thought that Jesse was in danger because of her absent father.

Murphy held up a hand, “Amanda has already given me more than an earful. I know that I should have called her as soon as I suspected I had been made; that’s on me. When you’re out of hospital you can feel free to punch me in the face, but right now we’ve got to find the men responsible for this. Your captain isn’t going to let this one slide and I can’t afford for this manhunt to disrupt the wider investigation.”

Sonny’s voice shook with anger as he spoke again, eyes narrowed at Murphy. “Your only job as a parent is to keep your kid _safe_ , the only thing you had to do was protect her.”

“I think we’re good as far as your statement goes, Carisi,” Fin said, putting an end to the argument. “We’ve got to get back to the station; I’ll keep you both in the loop.” He patted Carisi on the leg on his way out, giving him a nod of solidarity. 

Murphy said his goodbyes and followed Fin out, leaving them alone.

“Hey,” Amanda said, running her thumb over the back of Sonny’s hand, her fingers still laced through his. “I know you’re mad, _I’m mad_ , but I want to find out who did this; once we’ve got them we can both have it out with Murphy, okay?”

“Yeah,” he tipped his head back against the pillows, blinking back tears. “I just can’t stop thinking about Jesse and Billie, how frightened they must’ve been…”

“Me either,” she rested her cheek against their joined hands. “I’m going to check in with the doctor before I go, okay? You need to get some rest.”

“No, don’t leave me yet,” he said, looking down at her through half closed eyes.

She nodded. “Okay, I have something to show you, actually. The girls sent you a video.”

The smile returned to his weary face. “Yeah? Lemme see.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's reading and commenting and leaving kudos on that - you've all been so encouraging it's honestly amazing ♥

The first thing Sonny felt when he woke up was pain; his head was thumping, but that was nothing compared to the sharp burning sensation in his lower abdomen. He groaned as he opened his eyes, nausea welling up in him alongside the pain.

“Sonny?” His mother’s voice soothed him, and he felt her hand on his forehead, reminding him she was there – like he when was a little kid, off school sick, with her sitting beside him on the couch and making a fuss. “Are you okay?”

“Hurts,” he groaned. “So damn much.”

“Watch your mouth,” she scolded gently. “Dominick, get the nurse.”

He heard footsteps and the sound of a door opening and assumed his father had been there. He turned his head and looked up at his mom and tried to force a smile. “Sorry,” he tried to sit up but she stopped him with a look.

“You stay right there,” she said. “We’ll get you some more pain medication.”

He closed his eyes again, letting his mother take control of the situation like he was sixteen again. He wasn’t sure when she’d arrived; Amanda had stayed with him for a while after Fin and Murphy had left; she’d shown him a video of the girls and it had lifted his spirits. He’d asked her to send it to him so he could watch it over, but then he’d realised he didn’t have his phone – it must’ve still been at her place. She’d promised to bring it in the morning. His parents had come to say goodbye around an hour later – visitor hours were about over - and his mom had left her phone number with both Amanda and the nurses while his dad tried to keep her calm.

He had started to drift off with Amanda’s hand still gripping his, and she must’ve thought he’d fallen asleep because she pressed a kiss to his forehead before she left; he could feel her eyes on him for a moment afterward, but he didn’t dare move. As he lay there now he thought of her – how worried she’d been about him, how much he wished he could sooth all her concerns away.

“Don’t go back to sleep,” his mom said in a gentle whisper, her hand ghosting over his forehead again, smoothing his hair back from his face.

“I’m not,” he said, leaning into her touch.

“Talk to me,” she coaxed, “Tell me about Amanda.”

He opened his eyes at that, “What about Amanda?”

“Well,” his mom drew back, removing her hand from his face and watching him from her chair with a knowing smile, “It’s been years now and I’ve only just met her. I knew you were sweet on her, Sonny-”

Sonny felt his face flush. “Ma, people don’t say _sweet on_ anymore.”

“Don’t change the subject – I knew you were in love with her, but-”

“I’m not in love with her,” he lied. She ignored him.

“-I didn’t know it was mutual.”

He tried to sit up again, grimacing at the pain. He was so surprised by his mother’s statement that he momentarily forgot his abdomen felt like it was on fire. “It isn’t, Mom; we’re just friends.”

“Sonny, I saw her in the waiting room – how terrified she was of losing you; I’ve never seen anyone look that cut up over someone they were just friends with.”

He swallowed, not remotely ready to explore this line of thought any further. “Where’s Dad gone to find a nurse? California?”

“Dominick,” she said firmly, and he sighed. She almost never called him Dominick – only when she wanted to make sure he was taking her seriously. “Tell me about Amanda. Tell me about the two of you.”

He moved his gaze to the ceiling; he knew a losing battle when he saw one, and his mom was not about to back down. “There’s nothing to tell. Maybe I do have feelings for her, but nothin’ will ever come of it, so can you just drop it?”

“Don’t push the boy,” his father said from the doorway and Sonny frowned – the last thing he needed was his dad getting in on the conversation. “He has just been shot.”

“Well,” his mom said, “If you’re going to have a near death experience you might as well get some courage out of it.”

Sonny looked to the nurse, “Have you come to put me outta my misery?”

  
They’d picked up Charlie Rockford first thing on Sunday morning – he was still hanging out at the same street corner he’d been arrested on at fifteen, and he hadn’t even run when they’d pulled out their badges. He’d balked at the words attempted kidnapping and attempted murder, denying any involvement, but he had come in without much protest. 

He had asked for a lawyer the second they reached the station, though; another hour to wait for a court appointed attorney, thirty more minutes while he spoke to Rockford and all the while the squad were growing more tense. Michael Rockford hadn’t been at his last known address, or any of the locations he’d been known to frequent. His mother claimed not to have seen him for a few days and they were running out of places to look. Traffic cameras and local CCTV had given them no further leads, so unless Charlie started talking the case was going nowhere fast, and that just wasn’t an option with Carisi still hooked up to monitors and drips.

Fin and Benson were sat opposite Charlie and his attorney; he looked remarkably calm for someone accused of trying to kidnap a cop’s kid.

“Can you tell us where you were on Friday night, Charlie?” Benson started.

“At home,” he said. “Sleeping.”

“Anyone verify that?”

“No, flying solo these days. But I can tell you I didn’t try to kill anyone, and I definitely didn’t try to snatch no kid.”

“Can you roll up your sleeves for us, Charlie?” Benson asked, leaning forward. 

Charlie glanced at his lawyer who nodded, and he rolled up the sleeves of his sweatshirt. No bite marks, no injuries at all.

“That it? Can I go now?” He made to stand up – his lawyer holding up a hand to stop him.

“Not just yet,” Fin said, “We’ve got DNA, so we’re going to need to ask you a few more questions.”

“You ain’t got my DNA – I didn’t do anything. Wasn’t anywhere.”

“Well then you won’t might giving us a sample then – to rule you out.”

“Nah, you’re going to use it to pin this on me. I’m not stupid.”

Fin leaned forward over the table between them. “Okay Charlie, I’ll level with you. We’ve got a DNA match that puts you or one of your brothers at the scene – now Joey and Eddie, they’re both banged up, so that leaves you and little Michael. And there were two guys in the apartment that night, so here’s what I’m thinking – you and your brother got in over your head, agreed to pick up the girl. You were expecting them to be home with a sitter, didn’t think you’d need to use the gun at all-”

“This is bullshit. I didn’t agree to pick up any kid.”

“The kid we’re talking about? Her mom’s a detective. The guy you shot? He’s an Assistant District Attorney, so this isn’t going away anytime soon. If you weren’t the one firing the gun, we can talk to the DA, work out a deal – but that ADA’s still fighting for his life in the hospital, and if he dies, that’s felony murder for everyone involved. So I suggest you start talking now.”

“I told you it’s nothing to do with me.”

Charlie’s lawyer reached over, keeping his voice low as he spoke to Charlie – too low for Kat to hear through the glass. 

Charlie turned back to Benson and Fin. “I didn’t do this, and I don’t think Michael is dumb enough to do it either, so you can take my damn DNA if you want but it’s not gonna be a match.”

Amanda hung up with Fin as he filled her in on the latest – their first suspect was a washout, his alibi was shaky but he didn’t look good for it; the other suspect was still in the wind. She was frustrated she couldn’t do more to help, but when she’d called Liv this morning, a little more refreshed after some sleep – curled up in her bed with both Jesse and Billie, their room having been turned over by CSU – she had been told to stay home, that she still couldn’t be on the case. It was infuriating, and if she hadn’t had the girls she would’ve shown up at the precinct anyway.

But Jesse and Billie were both desperate to see Sonny, and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t too. When they arrived at the hospital he was alone; he still looked drawn out, but his face lit up when he saw them.

Jesse burst into tears as soon as she caught sight of him bandaged and bruised in his hospital bed; she dropped Amanda’s hand and ran across the room, pulling herself up onto the bed and throwing her arms around Sonny. He grimaced in pain but he hugged her close without protest. “Hey Jesse, it’s okay, I’m okay.”

“Uncle Sonny,” she said through her sobs, “I thought you wouldn’t ever wake up.”

Sonny pressed a kiss to her hair, “Hey now, would I ever give up on you?”

“I’m sorry,” she pulled back from his chest. “I’m sorry you got hurt ‘cause I yelled.”

Sonny pulled Jesse back into his embrace, and Amanda could see that he was in pain, but his focus was all on Jesse; when he released her he lifted one hand to stroke her hair, “Hey, this is not your fault, Jess, okay? I’m always going to come when you call - that’s what I’m here for. To keep you and Billie safe.”

“But you got hurt really bad and you wouldn’t wake up.”

“I know, but I’m okay now, yeah?” Jesse drew back, sitting back on her heels beside him on the bed and studying him carefully.

“Does it hurt?”

“Only a little,” he lied, “But the doctors have been making me feel much better. And I’m so happy to see you.”

Amanda walked over to them and lifted Billie onto the other side of the bed. “Be gentle, girls, Uncle Sonny’s still mending,” she warned them as Billie reached her arms out to Sonny. 

“Uncle Sonny,” she said, cuddling in close, “Missed you.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of Billie’s head, then met Amanda’s eyes over the girls. “Hey Rollins.”

“How you feeling?”

“Pain meds have kicked in.”

“That’s good,” she reached into her bag and handed him his phone. “I charged it, you’ve got a tonne of messages.”

“Thanks,” he put the phone down next to the pillow.

“Your parents not here?” 

“Nah, they were earlier, Gina came by and convinced them to go to lunch. My mom’s driving me nuts.”

“Uncle Sonny, you have a momma?” Jesse looked from Sonny to Amanda as though she didn’t quite believe them.

“Of course he does, Jess.”

“Do you have a daddy too?”

“Yeah.”

Jesse studied him for a moment before asking her next question, “What’s his name?”

“Dominick, like me.”

Jesse frowned. “Your name’s not Dominick.”

“Sure it is, Sonny’s just a nickname, like when we call you Jess.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Jesse said. She lifted a hand to trace the bruise on Sonny’s forehead, “Did your momma kiss this better?”

“No, she didn’t.”

“Can I?”

“Go for it,” Jesse pressed her lips against the bruise – Sonny winced at the contact but schooled his face into a smile once Jesse pulled back. Billie reached up too – her kiss nowhere near his forehead. 

“Now Momma!” She turned to look at Amanda.

“That’s okay Billie, you’ve done a great job. It feels better already.”

“Momma’s the best at get well kisses.”

“Okay Jesse, that’s enough. We don’t want to tire Uncle Sonny out,” Amanda knew her cheeks had reddened; Sonny was a little flushed too, although he could probably blame that on the pain medication. 

“I don’t wanna leave,” Jesse frowned, laying her head against Sonny’s shoulder.

“How about we have a story?” Sonny suggested, putting an arm around each of the girls. “Sit down, Rollins,” he said, nodding to the chair closest to Billie. He launched into a story that was half recognisable - one he’d told them before, she thought. Amanda could see he was tired, the mixture of pain medication and head injury making him drowsy, but he powered through, the story becoming more elaborate as he went on. Billie began to drift off beside him, and Amanda gently lifted her from the bed and onto her lap, sharing a smile with Sonny.

Jesse stayed cuddled into Sonny’s side, asking questions once the story tailed off. “Jesse, sweetheart, I think we need to let Uncle Sonny get some sleep now.”

“He’s been sleeping for a whole day!” Jesse protested, and Sonny chuckled lightly. 

“Hey Jess, thank you for comin’ to visit, you’ve made my day.”

“I love you, Uncle Sonny,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes again. “I’m glad you woke up.”

He stroked her back gently, his head resting atop hers as he soothed her. “I love you too,” he whispered, his eyes meeting Amanda’s again. She felt an ache in her heart; Jesse’s biological father had shown up out of the blue and he hadn’t even asked to see her yet – but here was Sonny, loyal, kind, caring – who loved Jesse and Billie like his own, who took two bullets to keep them safe. 

“Dominick,” she started, “I just want to-”

She was cut off by the hospital room door opening; Mr and Mrs Carisi came into the room, a woman behind them that Amanda presumed was Gina, the fourth Carisi sibling.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Mr Carisi said, “We’ll wait outside.” 

He turned to walk back towards the door, but neither Gina nor Mrs Carisi moved to follow him - Amanda could feel their eyes on her.

“We were just about to leave,” Amanda said, rising with Billie in her arms. “Come on, Jesse, say goodbye to Uncle Sonny.”

Jesse lifted her head from Sonny’s shoulder, her eyes still wet with tears, a damp patch now on Sonny’s hospital gown. “Will you be okay?” she asked, as Sonny gently wiped her tears. 

“I will,” he said, “Now that you’ve kissed my head better.”

“It would’ve been even better if Momma did it,” she grumbled, clambering down from the bed. She eyed the Carisi family, who were standing at the foot of Sonny’s bed watching them. “Are you Uncle Sonny’s momma?”

“I am,” Mrs Carisi said, “And you must be Jesse.”

“I am,” she said, mirroring Mrs Carisi’s stance. “I kissed Uncle Sonny’s head better; he said you didn’t do it yet.”

Mrs Carisi laughed, “Well, thank you for taking good care of him.”

Amanda and Jesse said their goodbyes as they made their way from the room, Billie still sleeping soundly.

“Wait,” Sonny called as they got to the door, and she turned back to look at him; he was barely keeping his eyes open now, “Call me later?”

“Get some sleep, tough guy. I’ll text you to see if you’re awake later.”


End file.
